Judging by the pace of Russians in the morning on January

1, we see that the earth revolves.
And even too.

Morning of January 1. Shop.
- Girl, and you have fresh bread?
- No! Last year!

They talk to two drunken peasant:
- Why are you Santa Claus tugged at his beard?
- I wanted to check - true or not ...
- Well?
- This turned out to be. I can not imagine - that now do with it?

Suicide song polite Maiden:
"Thank you, I warm myself by the fire ..."

A little boy wrote to Santa Claus:
"Send me, please, brother."
Santa Claus said:
"No problem. Send me your mother."

New Year's. Grandpa on call.

There is a gang of fans of CSKA interrogation by the police.
Investigator: "Well, why did you beat up Santa Claus?"
"What was it, pancake, red-white!"

- And how should such a healthy bunch of dill?
I asked my wife to see me with a tree.

People sign:
"If you see a sober Santa Claus, it's likely - Santa Claus!

- Know why Santa Claus is always so cheerful? He knows exactly where all the bad girls live.

The morning after the New Year wakes up early in the morning a little boy. Well wake up very early - all in the house are still asleep. Suddenly he heard - someone under the tree sheburshitsya. He quietly, on tiptoe, creeping up to the tree and sees beneath Santa Claus.
- Oh, Grandfather Frost, I always knew that you really exist! I told everyone, but nobody believed me! But now they believe me because I really saw that you now!
Santa Claus turns around and says a sad voice:
- Yes, I'm really real. You saw me and, unfortunately, I now have to kill you! ..

Comes Santa Claus to a psychiatrist and says: - Doctor, help! I myself do not believe.

Grandmother asks her granddaughter: - What would you like to receive a gift from Santa Claus?
- The pill - meets girl.
- Galya, why do you this crap? - Terrified cries grandmother.
- Grandma, what do you think: I have four dolls, which I still have a fifth?

In the ass "gelding" cuts Oka of "gelding", as usual, climbs steep
mate, is coming to Oka. Looks, and there sits a girl. He asks her:
- Who are you and what you'll pay?
- I'm Snow Maiden, now call Santa Claus and he will come, sort it out.
Takes to Mobile, which says something. Ten minutes later, coming four
"Gelding," there waddle ten such Bratkov like that, beaten
it, etc. He crawls up to a bloody nose and Oke says:
- Hey, girl, you were told that Santa Claus will come.
- And he is busy and sent his scumbags.

- You have heard from someone that horrible word? - Pounced on her mother son.
- From Santa Claus, Mama.
- Do not be!
- Maybe! He said this when Petka slapped him with snow in the eye!

Late December ... At dangles ad: "You can order a Santa Claus on the phone ..."
Holding on to the post, is drunk and bitter sobbing: "Killer!" Monsters! "Santa Claus and the Order ..."

The family had two children - one a pessimist, and the other an optimist. Approaching the new year. They decided their parents "to level", well not to such extremes have been, and prepared presents: pessimist horse, but an optimist bunch of horse manure. In the morning the children wake up ... Pessimist:
- Hyyy, loshadkaaa ... A small, but I wanted more ... brown, but I wanted a dapple-gray ... Derevyannaaayayayaya, and I wanted zhivyyyyuyuyuyu ...
Optimist:
- A y me alive! Just run away!

Israel, New Year, holiday table. From the table slowly falls fork. The father, overturning a table, catching the plug in centimeter from the floor.
- Phew, thank God, no more guests will not.
And here enters the room my daughter and said: -
Papa, Papa! Aunt Sonya in the elevator got stuck.

- This Santa Claus confused everything, - said the recruit.
- What's the matter? - Asked his companion.
- Fifteen years ago, before the New Year, I asked him to give me a uniform. And just now I got it.

December 31. He calls the child:
- It soon? Come soon. Our dad mad. He put on his red robe, boots and all said that he was Santa Claus.

Policeman stops the car was speeding.
- Where are you in such a hurry? - He asks the driver.
- Home. We greeted the New Year with friends, I'm a little late. My wife is worried.
- But now, in May in the yard.
- Therefore in a hurry.

Klausofobiya - fear of Santa Claus.

1 January ... - Santa Claus, thanks for the gift you have brought me.
- It's nothing, forget it.
- I think so too, but my mother told me to say so.

Two homeless after the New Year holiday exchanged impressions:
- New Year well met! I came out of the basement, looking at landing a bottle of vodka - g 100 unfinished in the tank looked - a sandwich with caviar, but once nadkusheno. He drank, ate, walked down the street. How are you?
- Bad, the whole weekend spent at home: some bastard put the rink on the hatch.

Sorry, you director? - Yes, I am, but what?
- Do not you think that this New Year performance is very similar to last year? - What do you mean, last year the tree was turning in the opposite direction!

- And what had become of your Maiden? - Ask Santa Claus.
- Yes she been told so many compliments that it melted!

For the New Year table.
- Why did you close your eyes every time you drink?
- Yes, I promised my wife that in the new year will no longer look into the glass ...

The restaurant: - Madam, your husband crawled under the table - said running up to the table the waiter lady who at this moment looking at the entrance to the hall.
- You are mistaken. My husband stands in the doorway.

The first of January. Parents call:
-Son, as the New Year met?
Son - with a hangover:
-I never met him! He came.

A guy in the morning after the New Year (with a swollen face, bloodshot eyes, unshaven) is looking in the mirror:
-So here you are, man of the third millennium ...

Chechnya, December 31 night. Young soldier put on patrol.
After a while, comes from the post of machine gun fire. All of the alert. Resort. A young soldier rushes to meet:
- Comrade Captain, then walked past the evil Wahhabi with a sack, scary, bearded, so I it ...
Captain suited to your body and thoughtfully looked at him and says:
- Ah ... that's because of fools like you, Santa Claus in Chechnya and does not reach.

Holiday Presents